I was standing there in the little airport with a ticket in my hand bound back to my hometown. There was a group of college girls standing in a circle singing "Take Me Home, Country Roads". I stood there in a daze watching them. I will never forget that song. Only a few moments before I was in the college cafeteria eating lunch alone. When a nurse walked in and announced my name. I remember the walk to her office. Almost passing out. Knowing why she called me, but a million other reasons I could think of that she wouldn't say it. I was in nursing school in the job corps and back in those days, an HIV test was mandatory.
She said "follow me". I sat there in front of 4 people at a desk and they told me that I had tested positive for HIV. I stared and even started to laugh hysterically. I joked that I would find any reason to get out of class.
A counselor came in to talk with me, I was still in a daze. I remember her asking me if I liked Greg Louganis, who had just came out as HIV positive.
I begged to go home. I was on a government scholarship so it was all arranged in a matter of minutes.
The next thing I knew, I was on a bus headed to the airport. Some of the students asked me where I was going. I lied and said my mom was sick and had to go home.
I remember being in the airplane, above the clouds. I prayed to God or whoever. Please don't let this plane land, please don't let me have to go down there and face this, let me just stay in this plane above the clouds.
There was a layover in Atlanta and I sat a bar waiting for the next flight. Not sure what I said to the guy sitting next to me at the airplane bar, but I think I was drunkenly flirting. He got up and went a few chairs down from me.
I got off the plane in Louisville and as I saw my parents approaching I collapsed into tears.
When I got home, I stripped down completely and jumped in the pond as the dog followed and we swam and horse played. Never would I have ever done that. Never before and never since have I felt such a feeling of freedom. Now, nothing mattered, I could live as recklessly as I pleased. Why care about bills or anything? I was free. I have never felt that sensation since
She said "follow me". I sat there in front of 4 people at a desk and they told me that I had tested positive for HIV. I stared and even started to laugh hysterically. I joked that I would find any reason to get out of class.
A counselor came in to talk with me, I was still in a daze. I remember her asking me if I liked Greg Louganis, who had just came out as HIV positive.
I begged to go home. I was on a government scholarship so it was all arranged in a matter of minutes.
The next thing I knew, I was on a bus headed to the airport. Some of the students asked me where I was going. I lied and said my mom was sick and had to go home.
I remember being in the airplane, above the clouds. I prayed to God or whoever. Please don't let this plane land, please don't let me have to go down there and face this, let me just stay in this plane above the clouds.
There was a layover in Atlanta and I sat a bar waiting for the next flight. Not sure what I said to the guy sitting next to me at the airplane bar, but I think I was drunkenly flirting. He got up and went a few chairs down from me.
I got off the plane in Louisville and as I saw my parents approaching I collapsed into tears.
When I got home, I stripped down completely and jumped in the pond as the dog followed and we swam and horse played. Never would I have ever done that. Never before and never since have I felt such a feeling of freedom. Now, nothing mattered, I could live as recklessly as I pleased. Why care about bills or anything? I was free. I have never felt that sensation since
Comments
Post a Comment