I had been taking Triumeq for several years. I am going to say that being HIV positive had never interfered with my life much UNTIL I started Triumeq. I started getting weak, nauseated, hazy minded and on an on. I would wake up with a hangover every morning. It would take me 2 hours after waking to fully function. I finally asked my doctor if there was ANYTHING else available as I felt this medicine was poison that was going to kill me faster than HIV would. He switched me to Symtuza. I am feeling better upon waking up. BUT when I first started Symtuza I had  diarrhea so bad that I was convinced that I had CDIFF. I told my doctor that I thought it was c-diff and I had to gather samples of my stool and take it to the lab. That was a wonderful experience. For the first month I had the runs so bad it was disabling. Not to mention the horrible gas. Had that kept up I would have truly been disabled. Thankfully, it slowly started to subside. I don't get the runs now unless I eat so...

 I started out today feeling phenomenal. Actually, I don't have a lot of good days like this. Where I am clearheaded and energetic. I even woke up before the alarm went off. The first part of the day went swimmingly while at work. I was even running errands throughout the building with a swift walk. I had taken some Effexor that was prescribed the previous night. I told a nurse how I was feeling and she said "This is how you were supposed to be feeling the whole time." Really? I envy people that can feel this good everyday. HOWEVER, come about 2 p.m. I started to get dizzy and nauseated. By the 3 p.m. I was trying not to vomit. By 4 pm I had to leave work because I was so sick. I went home and slept the rest of the night.  This is the ups and downs of life on HIV medicine.

 Since I last posted here in 2016, there have been a number of changes. At the time I was dating someone. He came to visit from Alabama which was quite a drive and spent a few days with me. After a few days he went back to Alabama. Once there he called me. He told me, in tears, that he had met someone else and was breaking up with me. I was shocked as it was unexpected. But I wasn't mad. I wished him well and agreed we were better off as friends. There was an obvious lack of passion in the relationship which really stemmed from my decreasing and lack of interest in sex over the years. I have been single since that happened. Not only have I not dated, but I have been totally celibate for almost 5 years now. Things really come into perspective when you have a loveless and sexless life. Oddly enough, I am in a better place mentally than I have ever been. I have overcome two different, what I would call addictions in my life. Sex and booze. I am also sober since I last blogged in 2016....

 I haven't written here in years. Yes, I am still around some 5 years later. I have written down many things I would like to blog about. I made a logo, bought a domain and website, and plan on trying to get a popular podcast out there about aging with HIV. Coming soon.  BTW I tested postive when I was 24 years old. I will be 50 years old  in September, 2021. I feel truly blessed to have survived this long while many friends did not make it.

Social anxiety sucks. Full blown anxiety attacks are crippling. This is what I have been experiencing this week. I know I am a strange person and socially awkward. I am usually very quiet and rarely initiate conversation. This causes all kinds of problems when working among extroverts. One woman at work who disliked me since day one has been causing problems for me at work. This has resulted in many trips into the manager's office over her complaints against me.  Once she taunted me when I returned from a lunch break.  She said "Why is it that you never eat in the break room with the rest of us?" in a rather disgusted tone of voice. The reasoning is that  I simply prefer to get off the floor and walk outside and have some alone time.  Plus, I DESPISE eating in front of strangers. This break room is tiny and they are elbow to elbow. Sitting around laughing and cutting up while eating on top of each other. Hell no!  Not to mention that people look at your foo...

Well, today did not start out on a great note. I take 20 mg of Lexapro everyday.  Yesterday I forgot to take it. I realized it when I was already at work, so that means I had to wait until tonight to take it.  Also, last night I took a dose of generic Zyrtec that I bought at a Family Dollar store of all places. This morning at work, I was dizzy from the withdrawals. Yes, you miss one dose of that shit and you are in full fledged withdrawal.  Between the lack of Lexapro and the nasty side effects from the generic allergy pill, I was feeling like I would pass out from dizziness and nausea. I was wet from sweating and had to sit down. Then too much coffee made me jittery. I was just a mess. A mess. Luckily, I "stabilized" somewhere around 11 a.m...Still felt numb from withdrawal and trooped thru the day.