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My original thought was to write an ebook about being a long term survivor and sell it on like Amazon Kindle or something. But anyways, I will blog my thoughts here. I am writing this blog to share my stories of 20 years of being HIV positive. Hopefully, other survivors will find this blog and relate and find a friend.

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Some days are diamonds

 I started out today feeling phenomenal. Actually, I don't have a lot of good days like this. Where I am clearheaded and energetic. I even woke up before the alarm went off. The first part of the day went swimmingly while at work. I was even running errands throughout the building with a swift walk. I had taken some Effexor that was prescribed the previous night. I told a nurse how I was feeling and she said "This is how you were supposed to be feeling the whole time." Really? I envy people that can feel this good everyday. HOWEVER, come about 2 p.m. I started to get dizzy and nauseated. By the 3 p.m. I was trying not to vomit. By 4 pm I had to leave work because I was so sick. I went home and slept the rest of the night.  This is the ups and downs of life on HIV medicine.
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Well, today did not start out on a great note. I take 20 mg of Lexapro everyday.  Yesterday I forgot to take it. I realized it when I was already at work, so that means I had to wait until tonight to take it.  Also, last night I took a dose of generic Zyrtec that I bought at a Family Dollar store of all places. This morning at work, I was dizzy from the withdrawals. Yes, you miss one dose of that shit and you are in full fledged withdrawal.  Between the lack of Lexapro and the nasty side effects from the generic allergy pill, I was feeling like I would pass out from dizziness and nausea. I was wet from sweating and had to sit down. Then too much coffee made me jittery. I was just a mess. A mess. Luckily, I "stabilized" somewhere around 11 a.m...Still felt numb from withdrawal and trooped thru the day.
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 Since I last posted here in 2016, there have been a number of changes. At the time I was dating someone. He came to visit from Alabama which was quite a drive and spent a few days with me. After a few days he went back to Alabama. Once there he called me. He told me, in tears, that he had met someone else and was breaking up with me. I was shocked as it was unexpected. But I wasn't mad. I wished him well and agreed we were better off as friends. There was an obvious lack of passion in the relationship which really stemmed from my decreasing and lack of interest in sex over the years. I have been single since that happened. Not only have I not dated, but I have been totally celibate for almost 5 years now. Things really come into perspective when you have a loveless and sexless life. Oddly enough, I am in a better place mentally than I have ever been. I have overcome two different, what I would call addictions in my life. Sex and booze. I am also sober since I last blogged in 2016....
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